When I first heard the new Daft Punk album…
cute baby tiger jumping on a couch
the internet is over you can all go home.
Also, proof that chihuahuas have no idea how teeny they are.
I TRIED TO USE THE INTERNET TO LEARN ABOUT IMPORTANT SOCIAL ISSUES BUT EVERY TIME I GOT TO THE COMMENTS IT WAS JUST A THOUSAND PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO AGREE WITH EACH OTHER HAVING A MASSIVE SCREAMING SHIT FIT ABOUT HOW EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT WRONG.
IF THEY WERE HALF AS PASSIONATE ABOUT ACTUALLY CHANGING THE WORLD AS THEY ARE ABOUT BEING “RIGHT” EVERYTHING WOULD BE BETTER BY NOW.
I GUESS I SHOULDN’T MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT TURNING THIRTY.
AFTER ALL, WHEN MITT ROMNEY WAS THIRTY THE MORMON FAITH DIDN’T ALLOW BLACK PEOPLE TO BECOME PRIESTS OR ENTER THE SACRED TEMPLE BECAUSE NEGRO SKIN WAS THE MARK OF CAIN AND ALL BLACK PEOPLE WERE CURSED BY GOD, AND HE WAS STILL YOUNG AND SILLY ENOUGH TO THINK THAT KIND OF BLATANT NONSENSICAL RACIST BULLSHIT WAS TOTALLY OKAY.
IT’S PROBABLY ONLY IN YOUR FORTIES THAT YOU START TO USE YOUR BRAIN AND STUFF. I STILL HAVE TIME.
I COULD WRITE A TERRIBLE CONTEMPORARY ADULT EROTIC FICTION NOVEL IN THE TIME IT TAKES FOR THIS NAIL POLISH TO DRY.
NOT WITH WET NAILS, OBVIOUSLY, BUT YOU GET WHAT I’M SAYING.
Hooray for foxes mocking the ridiculous mainstream erotica fad! HOORAY!!! :D
DO YOU EVER WORRY THAT YOUR POLITICAL BELIEFS ARE JUST A PREFABRICATED SHIELD THAT YOU CAN HOLD UP IN FRONT OF YOUR PRIVILEGE TO PROTECT IT FROM THE GRASPING, NEEDY HANDS OF THOSE YOU’VE IGNORED AND MARGINALIZED YOUR ENTIRE LIFE? A KIND OF ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL IDEOLOGICAL GRAB BAG THAT ISN’T BASED ON LEGITIMATE DAY-TO-DAY LIVING?
ARE YOU ASKING IF I HAVE A BEVY OF EASILY REGURGITATED SOUNDBITES AND STUMP SPEECHES ABOUT A WIDE VARIETY OF PERCEIVED SOCIAL ILLS THAT I’VE NEITHER EXPERIENCED NOR SERIOUSLY RESEARCHED, THAT GIVE ME A WAY TO PRETEND I CARE ABOUT MAKING THINGS BETTER WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING TO SACRIFICE ANYTHING OR RISK MORE THAN FLEETING MENTAL DISCOMFORT?
YES.
NO, NOT REALLY.
COOL, ME NEITHER.
